How To Meet Women In Bars And ClubsMay 12, 2023
Bars and nightclubs can be tough for a lot of guys insofar as meeting women is concerned — they are not part of the “normal world” in the sense that many of the usual social techniques that we use to keep each other entertained crash and burn in this environment. The women look extra hot and are densely concentrated in one big room, but that’s where the advantages over ordinary life pretty much end for most of us. Everybody has their eyes focused on the top 20% of the hottest people moving around them like sleek, beautiful animals (and this goes for both the men AND the women). Because of this understandable fantasy phenomenon, the rest of us look lessened and low quality in the shadow of the visually hottest.
For instance, if you happen to have the male disease of shortness like I do, you will seem that much shorter and perhaps even comical standing next to the towering, muscular Sven or his rap star look-alike buddy at the nightclub. Girls who would otherwise pick up a flirt in a grocery store isle will reject you in a heartbeat simply for failing to make that top 20% cut. It’s an environment that requires a thick skin for casual rejection if you happen to strike an average pose, to say the least.
With that in mind, here’s 5 important things to know about successfully socializing within the fantasy universe of bars and clubs:
1) The bar / club scene demands that you participate in the culture of what I call the “3-D’s”… Dancing, Dressing, and the Displaying of attitude. You know what I’m talking about here and if you don’t then you need to visit a few of these places and observe the dynamics going on for yourself. Guys who play the part expected of them by the foxy bar-queens that populate these places do the best. Whereas guys who stand around and watch, well… they stand around and watch. If these kinds of behaviors don’t come natural to you, then you’ll have to learn how to playact your way into this mindset because it’s the only way that you’ll have any sort of reasonable success-to-rejection ratio.
Begin by frequenting some of the best places near you. Watch and study the “players” who seem to always have women buzzing around them. These guys did not simply show up one day and rule the roost – they paid their dues by spending many evenings dancing and drinking, flirting and getting shot down, staying at it until they made a few breakthroughs… and finally making some “friends of a feather” and creating a little entourage for themselves. This doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a commitment of time and money… cover fees, hot clothes, bar tabs, etc. It takes a commitment and desire to burrow deep into this scene and become at ease within it.
Extroverts naturally do much better than introverts in the high-pressure club Brewery Bellingha environment because they take to the whole dancing-drinking-romancing thing like a fish to water, whereas introverts tend to turtle up and become cautious… a demeanor that can make you all but socially invisible. A meek little “Hi my name is Joe… ” will likely be ignored — you just won’t show up on anyone’s radar giving off personality power this feeble.
Instead, you need to open strong with a dramatic, playful flirt… something like “Hey baby, you looked really smokin’ out there on the dance floor! Very nice, I love that _____ look (mention something unique about her appearance), it’s great!” Your delivery should be grand and powerful and spiked with good feelings.
2) The motives of women in nightclubs is different than that of the men, who are basically trying to get some action that night. On the other hand, many of the women are perfectly happy to tease the men and enjoy all the slobbering male attention — and that’s the extent of it. They drink this psychological goo up like sweet honey – and the more determined they are to make a spectacle of themselves the more certain you can be this is what they’re probably all about. Only the top players who are deep into the culture have a shot at these type of airheads.
Outside the club these same girls can sport completely different personalities — which is why I say it’s best to try and meet them where they least expect it in everyday life. Of course, the attraction of the club scene is that the chicks are concentrated in one big pile for you to ogle and hit on — whereas the opportunities are certainly far fewer and of a lower quality in real life. For those of you with limited patience or who feel that there aren’t enough opportunities available in your daily life to effectively meet anyone worthwhile, then the clubs are probably your better option. Just understand these major differences and adapt to them. If you can’t get into the hoppin’ and boppin’, high-energy aspect of it, then maybe those quieter corner bars might be a better bet for you.
3) You need to have excellent non-verbal communication skills. Why? Because most of these places are so loud you can barely hear yourself think much less communicate with anyone! Typical club music booms along at volume levels that will make your internal organs shudder, so IF the strongest part of your game revolves around your brilliant conversational skills you won’t get to display much of your talent in this environment. In fact, you will just melt away into the wallpaper before long.
Communication in clubs consists mainly of a lot of physical stuff. Next time you’re out at one of these places just watch how much of this is going on. It takes a willingness to dive head first into this mode and get bold with women you hardly know. Does this sort of behavior fit your temperament? Remember that we’re not talking about reality here, but rather the strange universe of club reality.
4) Watch her eyes!… the eyes will always tell the tale and they will tell it immediately. If she won’t bother to even meet your eye when you’re trying to engage her I would suggest that you bail immediately. She’s a Queen who’s not interested in you for whatever reason, probably because she doesn’t recognize you as being in the “club clique”. You’re not a full time player… just a poor amateur looking for a few thrills. Pushing further is likely to draw a more publicly humiliating rejection than anyone should have to suffer (like I did several times!). So you should be ready to sort through the women FAST in this environment. Speaking of which…
5) Everything is time-compressed in Clubworld. There’s no messing around pulling phone numbers after long, sunny conversations. Clubworld is all about ACTION… this isn’t a meet-and-date-later sort of situation — it’s all about having an adventure TONIGHT! The women are there to get fired-up and have some kind of adventure that evening… they are certainly not there to meet sweet nice guys for later dating. If that’s what you’re about then you will find yourself on the sidelines.